You never stop to think about how selfish your actions are. You never stop to think about how truly beautiful life is. Well, you don’t think about a lot of things..
Then, you become pregnant.
Emotions. Over-whelming emotions. That’s how it all starts. But something happens to those emotions when you start feeling those little movements inside your belly. You begin to value life. Anytime an intelligence (human, animal, etc.) is born, you rejoice in the beauty of that creation. There’s an overwhelming feeling that attaches to you when you witness that beautiful creation. There’s nothing on this Earth.. Not technology, not the highest of mountains, that can beat the exquisiteness of the birth of this intelligence. You learn to appreciate, even the smallest creation of life. But, with life comes death and you’ll never feel so torn apart by the loss of an intelligence. You’ll find yourself crying, uncontrollably, in your husband’s arms saying, “It’s not fair,” to the loss of another. As he tries to comfort you, you realize that every moment counts.
It’s not about you anymore. Compared to that little human being growing in your stomach, you barely even matter. What matters most about you is that little life forming inside you. Everything you do is for that unseen form of life. When you sleep, you sleep in a position that might be the most uncomfortable position you’ve ever experienced, but it keeps your baby safe and sound. When you trip and fall on your stomach, you cry for an hour, hoping that everything inside you is still going okay, even when you’re bleeding down your shin. When you eat, you eat to help that baby grow big and strong. Then, you get diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, so you change your diet completely to make sure that baby has an opportunity to witness this beautiful planet. You give yourself shots, medications, and find yourself in a common course of sickness from your body’s reaction to the meds. You change completely, just so that little tiny will make it over 9 months to take her first breath.
You’ve finally learned how to be patient. The small moments matter and not everything life seems to be matters too much, anymore. At the end of a horrible day, you’ll place your hands on your stomach and feel her nudge you to let you know that everything will be okay, and that’s when you realize that your whole world has changed.
It’s a beautiful thing being pregnant.
It might be the hardest non-paying job out there, but it’s worth every moment along the way.
-Tribute to Ivy Loock (coming July 2017). We can’t wait to meet you!!!!