To listen click here –>> missing-pieces-1.m4a
I’m hoping most people reading this have put a puzzle together once in their lifetime, so this becomes relatable. Solving a puzzle is unlike anything else. It often becomes intensely frustrating, but let me tell you the patience virtue is what’ll make you or break you.
I remember a cabin trip a year or two ago where someone had this clever idea to bring up a puzzle. Okay, we aren’t talking about the puzzle you put together after only an hour or two… I mean, this was the puzzle that LITERALLY took about a week. Once we found down time, we’d walk over to this giant table with scattered pieces waiting to be linked into a developing picture. It was a grueling task. There were times that pieces seemed to be missing. There was clearly NO way that there was a piece that would fit in the middle of the four pieces surrounding. The missing pieces were simply unknown and could not be found. At least, not just by the eye of one or two people.
This is the feeling I want to talk about today.
My whole life I’ve felt there have been small missing pieces that I’ve dug long and hard to discover. The older I get, the more I’ve come to realize that having these missing pieces can lead to some serious problematic situations within yourself. Now, I’m the type where I like to do EVERYTHING by myself. I don’t want help from anyone or anything because I’m a self-learner and I’ve basically done okay with that my whole life. Until, I realized that this perspective was more damaging than helpful.
I’ve struggled with mental health issues my whole life, but THE THING IS I never saw these as mental health issues until I married my best friend. I laugh all the time because I call him the “perfect” human (even though he’s not fully perfect, obviously no one is) because he doesn’t have any of the issues that I’ve dealt with. I’ve also talked deeper with other people who have not struggled with the things I’ve struggled with. That’s when it hit me. I was different and I wasn’t sure why.
After years of contemplation, I finally came to the conclusion that there were so many missing pieces within me, and for some reason I couldn’t pin point them. I mean I had ideas where these pieces were, but I wasn’t one to say that was the entirely true.
My whole life, I always got compliments saying I was so vibrant and happy, but behind closed doors I was a wreck and the last few years it started to show through. I became sick of it seeping through the outside, so I made calls to see a therapist. Let me tell you this, I made CALLS.. I called three times before actually buckling down to see a therapist. I would call, get scared, then bail out. I always had the mindset that “I could get through this on my own,” but obviously I couldn’t because those missing pieces were sooo lost. But, I am so glad that I did.
I have found so many missing pieces and have learned that I am the way I am because of the experiences I have went through and struggled with since a young age. Most, in which I never recovered from. The outcome? Self-confidence issues, anxiety, depression, suicide and all the fun that comes with it. I definitely don’t want to go into too much detail, BUT I am created in such a unique way that I will have my own struggles and missing pieces. I am beginning to build that beautiful masterpiece, as I find those missing pieces.
My therapist also recommended me to a nurse who did a genetic testing on medications, that way I could find the right medications to help me. THANK THE HEAVENS ABOVE that she sent me to get this done because after getting my results back, I finally figured it out. I AM WHO I AM FOR A REASON! Some of my struggles and questions were answered through these results (and also blood testings). I explained the genetic testing on my Instagram (@ryleeloock) and saved my story so others can do the same! It was the biggest eye opener not even just for medications, but for who I am genetically created to be.
-I am a huge believer in God and I have this philosophy that God works through science. I came down to this Earth genetically built to endure challenges that would make my heavenly spirit stronger. I also dealt with many challenges as a child (and still do) to make that heavenly spirit stronger.-
I am so grateful to have supported myself in seeking out help the last few months to discover a deeper meaning of myself by finding those missing pieces. Everyone said this- if you’re struggling SEEK HELP; unfortunately, I never wanted to (GUYS MY WHOLE LIFE), but I can attest to you that seeking for help even with little things like going to the dentist and getting blood sugars checked again, gave me those pieces I’ve needed all along. Though I’ve focused on mental health, which should be addressed more often, I think it’s important to get help for all little things, as well. (Note- I don’t mean that you act like a boob and go to the dr for everything because that is nonsense.)
You know your body the best. Follow your gut and your instincts. Be patient throughout it all, because finding pieces takes time. But all in all, you need different perspectives to find those missing pieces. Though you might think you can do it alone, like I once thought, you’ll need guidance.
Big shout out to my husband and besties that supported me through this. SO MUCH LOVE.